25. December 2010 by [JP].

Warning: Contains meat, dairy, HOT STUFF, totally NOT Kosher, not vegan, not Halal, and should not be consumed by… anyone. You have been warned.

Tools:

Big deep skillet
Crock Pot
Hammer
Stirring things
Hands
huge microwave safe dish

Ingredients:

2 big blocks of Velveeta
2 standard blocks of cream cheese
2 cans evaporated milk
1 can Rotel Tomatoes and green chili
2 cans Rotel Tomatoes and habaneros
1 large can chopped green chili
1 small can jalapeno
1 tub pre-made pico de gallo
1 pkg fresh queso fresco (low moisture mozz works as well, or any crumbly white cheese)
1 pkg peyton brand chorizo (pork or beef)
wee bit of cooking oil
1 bottle water
1 energy drink.

Initial prep:

Turn crock pot on high. Pour evap milk into a microwave safe bowl, and microwave for 90 seconds.
Pour oil in skillet and turn to medium high.
Drink energy drink.

When the oil is hot, drop in the chorizo and stir and break it apart into small chunks, fry until crumbly and dark purple or black. Pour in all cans of hot veggies (do not strain) and pico de gallo, stir, making sure the chorizo and oil are mixed into the hot veggies. reduce heat to medium, simmer for 15 minutes uncovered, stirring frequently.

Crumble the white cheese into small chunks… good way to do it is freeze the cheese overnight, then beat with a hammer until its crumbled. Put the white cheese in the hot crock pot, and pour the hot evap milk over it, stirring frequently. Cover the crock pot.

Put cream cheese and velveeta in large microwave safe bowl, microwave on 50% power for 5 minutes, or until it starts melting. Transfer melted cheese blend into crock pot, and continue to stir.
After hot veggie mix has simmered for 15 minutes, fold into cheese mix in crock pot, reserving some of the liquid that remains in the skillet.
If the queso is too thick, pour in the liquid from the skillet and stir until fully mixed.
Leave crock pot on high and continue stirring, being sure to scrape from the sides and bottom.

Drink bottle of water, and serve Epic Queso!

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25. December 2010 by [JP].

’twas the night before Christmas, and all thru the house, everyone was busy, and Zachary took my mouse.
The family was getting ready, the kitchen was trashed. I’m in my bedroom, and damn it, Hulu just crashed.
Break out the medicine box, the pepto and tums.
And what is that sound, oh, his mother got him drums.
I”m eating my marshmallow santas, from my secret stash… my mom will kick my ass, if she finds the wrappers in the trash.
The stockings were hung, in that room over there.
My mother trying to put Zachary down, so we can prepare.
Time to duct tape him in bed, and give him a beso.
I need to check my groceries, tomorrow I make epic queso.
When out on the lawn, arose such a glare, I realized the wind knocked over a luminaria out there.
And from the den, came such a clatter, that I paused Dexter to see what’s the matter.
The final touches on tomorrows food, making pies and stuffin’.
I checked the table, who left Santa skim milk and a bran muffin?
And when the presents were wrapped and under the tree, the family in the den, watching food network on tv.
And finally it was silent, everyone in bed.
Happy Christmas to all, that’s what he said.

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